Thought questions are intended to inspire introspection, discussion, and debate, less to discover a right answer and more to test an idea’s durability from differing angles. The goal is to provoke thought and refine articulation.
“Thought Questions” are well suited for teachers, educators, youth groups, socials, group discussions, family gatherings, personal improvement, and more.
For this question, apology is specifically separate from “Sorry,” not least because it’s an automatic, almost involuntary response drilled into children, which soon becomes a word without meaning. “Saying sorry” has good intent, but overuse has detached it from sincerity.
There are contexts for apologies, factors such as pressure campaigns, setting an example, crowd appeasement, publicity, and the like, which can all be considered in the necessity for an apology, especially a sincere one.
Setting such circumstances aside for more personal relationships and a real possibility of someone having wronged or saying or doing something which may not have been wrong, but didn’t come out the right way, suppose an apology could, even should, be in order.
There’s two main aspects in grappling with not wanting to make an apology. Foremost, many believe and fear that apologies are indicative of weakness. In apologizing, not only is one made to lessen himself before someone who may not be right, but the very act of apologizing becomes admission of wrongdoing. From this viewpoint, apologizing has two strikes against it, (a) sign of weakness, (b) admittance of wrongdoing.
Someone who doesn’t believe either are true would logically hesitate, resist, even defy a directive to apologize.
Should someone be made to apologize if he doesn’t want to, especially if no physical damage was done? Should he be made to apologize if he knows he wasn’t partially or entirely at fault? Should apologies care about feelings, particularly when facts don’t?
What does it take for someone to apologize when he doesn’t want to? Can he avoid weakness and admittance of being wrong and still apologize?
Apologizing, especially when someone doesn’t want to, requires a tremendous amount of strength, accompanied by a surety of self tempered with humility.
An apology is not weakness when a person must purposefully overcome an unwillingness to do something he doesn’t want or think he should. Buoying that is surety of self, the confidence that a person is not made less in apologizing, especially if the outcome is of benefit to the other side. If the other side will be appeased with a proper apology, then a person only has to gain, even if he feels foolish for a while. Hence, the necessary surety of self which leads to knowing that submitting to apology does not make him any smaller, but rather proves tremendous strength of character to say what’s needed and move on. Which is why humility is so vital.
As for admittance of being wrong, as for lack of contrition, an apology can be acknowledgement of wrongdoing distinct from being wrong and feeling sorry. (And if no harm was done outside of hurt pride, why is a seeming admittance of being wrong so horrifyingly terrible?) Apologizing, sincerely, isn’t about the rightness or the feeling, but about acknowledging that there could’ve been a better way to say or do something, as the unintended consequences proved. “I apologize for the phrasing, hurt was not my intent” is admittance and contrition without severe diminishment.
There are times when apologies must be accompanied by regret and sorrow, and there are times when apologies are more about the offender’s recognition that an offense was committed. It doesn’t negate validity, it doesn’t imply sorrow, but it does admit to awareness. And it does restore another’s pride, even if the one apologizing has to temporarily temper his own.
Each situation can be independently assessed for reasonable rectification, but someone who wants to challenge, even refine, his own self will think carefully his hesitation to apologize. Then, whether or not he agrees with the need for it, he’ll consider carefully how important it is to do what has to be done.
If only to prove to himself that he can.